Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in boneifyme's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, September 26th, 2007
7:15 pm	still fatter than ever...119...fuck me in the face. i hate my life so much. All i can hear right now is my mom, dad, and sister fighting..my mom and i just had a huge blow out. she's such a mother fucking bitch i can't even take it. i just feel so pathetic and miserable....maybe hospitalization is the only way to save me from myself...
6 remembered| give a thought
Sunday, September 2nd, 2007
2:20 pm	All of my friends have left for college, and I'm literally the ONLY one stuck home going to community college. I have no friends. No social life. I am so lonely, and depressed. I have a 4 day weekend, and I've done JACK SHIT!!! WTF am i supposed to do with myself. All I do is Binge and Purge, all day long. I was doing so well before..I need advice girls (and guys) I'm losing my mind. Literally. Someone please help. <3 Britt
4 remembered| give a thought
Monday, July 2nd, 2007
5:34 pm	I am severely depressed right now. I drank alone by myself last night. An entire bottle of Arbor Mist, and few beers, and I took pain killers. I binged and purged and woke up this morning at 125.5 lbs. I have been on a huge plateau stuck at 124.5 for like a week now, and I wanted to break it. So I don't really mind that pound. However, I MUST be 120 by July 11th which is when I see Kelly next. In all honesty, I'd like to be 120 by this thursday the 5th when I see Diana next, but I don't see that happening. I am starting a fast. I'm going to try really hard to go until Friday. Thats 4 days. I haven't done that in over a year i think...but i'm going to try really hard. Jen hasn't eaten in 2 days, so she says. And she is really depressed right now. and I want to be there to support her as much as I can, but it's so hard when your trying to keep your own shit together too ya know? Anyways..I'm going to go. I have to hang out with katherine i think... idont know...i'm depressed. I cut 136 times last night. fuck...
1 remembered| give a thought
Monday, September 4th, 2006
1:54 pm	Current Mood: determined
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Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
2:30 pm	fuck fuck fuck fuck. i HATE food. It should all just GO THE FUCK AWAY! I DON'T FUCKING WANT ANY FOOD!!!!!!! I AM NOT GOING TO FUCKING LOSE CONTROL NOW! NO MOTHER FUCKING WAY!! I'm taking a dance class at BDC in NYC next friday with the academy and i REFUSE to be the FAT ASS GIRL THAT STANDS OUT and NOT in a good way!!! URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKKKKKKKKKK i pretty much hate everything i felt so fat at school today becuz i've gained weight that i actually just got up after 3rd period and left..i've NEVER been the type that skips...wtf is wrong with me? OH! I KNOW!! I'M TOO GOD DAMN FATTTTTTTTT
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Friday, February 17th, 2006
4:22 pm	this is by far the most self destructive and hardest habit i'm ever had to keep up with. the scary thing is, i can't stop. oh well... PS Courtney, I know what you mean. I don't know what you're going through with your mom and all, but i can only imagine that it sucks, and it's not easy. I don't want to sound cheesy and like everyone else...but i AM here for you. I AM here to talk whenever, I hate ppl. too, so i'm never doing ANYTHING. Literally. So if you ever just want to sit and hate ppl. with someone, you can ALWAYS call me. I love you so much dude. Think of like...just everything that we've been through together, and how long we've known eachother and all that shit. You are such a huge part of my life even though we don't hang out like we used to, that doesn't mean I don't care for you just as much, if not more than I did back when we were in elem. and middle school. K? I'm ALWAYS going t to be here, and if you cant count on anything else, it is my hope that you can at the very least count on me if you ever just need to cry and scream, and throw things. haha. but i do indeed love you very much buddy, and i don't like/don't want to see you hurting. So if you need ANYTHING!! even someone to bring u a bowl of chicken noodle soup becuz ur not feeling well...CALL ME! haha seriously. If you want a fucking cupcake, I'll bake you a batch! haha just let me know if I can do anything to help k? LOVE U SO MUCH!!!!
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Sunday, February 12th, 2006
12:44 am	urgh, i've been so completely disgusting lately i can't even take it. I'm a fat disgusting blob of shit..and i seriously need to get my act together. I started my valentines day fast at 8 pm tonight, after i fucking binged like the fat bitch that I am...seriously what the hell..I used to be SO good at this and all of a sudden, i lose control and I gain like 3 lbs...urgh. i should have never started the whole 2468 thing..it was nothing but bad news. I can't purge..so i'm just going to stick with the whole Im not going to eat thing unless i'm about to seriously drop. i'm so angry at myself and i'm going on a date tomorrow...john is going to think i'm a disgusting cow. I refuse to eat. I REFUSE!!!! Current Mood: depressed
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Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
10:11 pm	perfect body is the best movie EVER! about the gymnast with anorexia that was on NBC YEARS ago...i saw it a LONG time ago when my cousin, michelle was a gymnast. I think thts what made me put ON weight, becuz it scared me...haha NOW ITS MY THINSPIRATION!!! i now weigh 129 lbs. thats more than half of what i was..and still fat as shit, and no where near good enough! and why do ppl. take you to fatty places for ur bday!? AH! I'M SO SCARED ABOUT TOMORROW!!!!!!!1 Current Mood: creative
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Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
6:16 pm	ana. u. are. amazing.
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Sunday, January 29th, 2006
1:44 am	approaching day too with a grin. i got slimquick. it starts tomorrow. i got a bike. and i'm so stoked about riding it for my cardio. I was supposed to weigh friday, but i am terrified. shouldn't be but i am. so then i was like, well i'll weigh in sunday morning before church so i won't be tempted to eat with michelle and grandma...but i'm just too scared to step on that scale. I don't know what'll happen if i'm not happy with the # this shit is crazy, and it takes a LOT outta you. But i don't care, and I will beat it. Think thin Current Mood: determined
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Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
10:07 pm	fuck fuck fuck fuck...my period came back.. why? becuz i ate too much. EW EW EW...def. gained about 6 lbs in the last week..THATS DISGUSTING! but i'm starting a 5 day fast at midnight tonight with some ppl. on my favorite forum...so it's all good. 5 days and i'll be back to where i was...if not smaller. I have new things called projects..and i journal them down. Right now I'm working on "Project: MY 17th Birthday" so i do as well as i can until then and chart my progress...it's fun..althought i'm on day 2 and have failed tremendously..but again..it doesn't help that i'm on my fucking period. I had to go to the hospital becuz of my diet pills I had a HUGE anxiety attack on sunday night..so no more of them for me.. FUCK FUCK!! I WILL STICK WITH THIS 5 DAY FAST! EVEN IF IT KILLS ME! Current Mood: depressed
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Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
5:01 pm	Ay yi yi...so i fucked up last weekend, but now I'm back on track... YAY! cept..therepy...she questions me weekly about my eating..wtf? oh well. ain't gonna stop me from doing shit. Current Mood: blah
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Monday, January 9th, 2006
2:54 am	Didn't do nearly as bad as i thought after all! I was just holding some water weight! I didn't gain at ALL!! WOOT!! still fasting tho! EXCITED AS SHIT!! I'm gonna be a supermodel..... Current Mood: bouncy
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Sunday, January 8th, 2006
10:09 pm	Ok so I really fucked up. The weekends are SO hard. But during the week, I'm never home, and Don't have money, so I NEVER eat..i gained 2 lbs this weekend. Which won't be a problem to get off..but still it's frusterating. During the week its so easy to fast. So As of now. 10 pm. I'm beginning my new week fast til whenever I feel like I'm gonna drop. So probably til thursday afternoon becuz i have 2 hrs of dance and I don't want to pass out, or I'll be fucked. So Fasting til thursday. I NEED SUPPORT!!! I gotta remember what I want to accomplish. I HAVE TO I'm SOOO close to being in the 120 zone..I gotta get there quicker. I'm literally 10 lbs from being 129. I know, its still fat..but compared to my highest weight, thats tiny. So If I can get there in 2 weeks I will be SO pleased with myself. So thats my goal. 129 in 2 weeks. that SHOULD not be a problem. EW I go to fucking therepy on Thurs. for my "rage" hahahhaa it makes me laugh. She better not ask me weight questions. I'll be pissed. Anyways...WOOT! I'M EXCITED! BE TOUGH B!! Current Mood: determined
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Saturday, January 7th, 2006
8:47 pm	BOY I FUCKED UP TODAY!!!...ouch...Don't worry Fasting til Tuesday as of 9 pm. :) It'll be off. Wow..I just need to chill..I like cried..lol wow... ok..phew..tomorrow = homework and work out book camp. Current Mood: melancholy
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Friday, January 6th, 2006
3:42 pm
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3:39 pm	Yesturday I had to eat because I had dance for 2 hours, and I would've dropped if I didn't. I probably ate to much, but hey. I'm at my new lowest weight! WOOT! I love the "you look greats" that I keep getting. Anyways today I began another fast. It's like I fast 2 days, and then I eat a little, and then again. It's working. So :) My hands are even losing weight!! :) I WILL not eat today. ps. Current Mood: content
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Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
8:07 pm	COURTNEY!!! YES!! AFTERSCHOOL TOMORROW! U AND ME BUDDY! HAHA AND YES! THE EPHEDRA! GOOD THINKIN! HAHA..but who!? OH DEARYYY!!!! EEEEEE EXCITMENTS IN THE AIR!!!! <3 u! P.S. Diet Sprite Zero..my savior. PPS. I just pulled an asian..2 entries in less than 5 min. hah Current Mood: excited
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8:04 pm	Day 2 of the fast. AND I'VE HAD NOTHING! GOD! I FEEL AMAZING!!! AHHHH!!!! Collar bones a' poppin' WOO!!! I don't want to speak to soon though..haha I've got 3 more days to go. <3 Think THIN BIOTCH!! p.s. I love the movie center stage. Current Mood: hopeful
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Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
12:34 am	Tomorrow it begins. BRING IT ON 2006!! :) COURTNEY! I MISS U! WE NEED TO HAVE A GET TOGETHER!! PLUS THE GIFT EXCHANGE!! Current Mood: chipper
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