Love You To The Bones

boneifyme @ 2007-09-26T19:15:00

2007-09-26T23:16:53Z

still fatter than ever...119...fuck me in the face. i hate my life so much. All i can hear right now is my mom, dad, and sister fighting..my mom and i just had a huge blow out. she's such a mother fucking bitch i can't even take it. i just feel so pathetic and miserable....maybe hospitalization is the only way to save me from myself...

boneifyme @ 2007-09-02T14:20:00

2007-09-02T18:22:12Z

All of my friends have left for college, and I'm literally the ONLY one stuck home going to community college. I have no friends. No social life. I am so lonely, and depressed. I have a 4 day weekend, and I've done JACK SHIT!!! WTF am i supposed to do with myself. All I do is Binge and Purge, all day long. I was doing so well before..I need advice girls (and guys) I'm losing my mind. Literally. Someone please help.

<3 Britt

boneifyme @ 2007-07-02T17:34:00

2007-07-02T21:38:05Z

I am severely depressed right now. I drank alone by myself last night. An entire bottle of Arbor Mist, and few beers, and I took pain killers. I binged and purged and woke up this morning at 125.5 lbs. I have been on a huge plateau stuck at 124.5 for like a week now, and I wanted to break it. So I don't really mind that pound. However, I MUST be 120 by July 11th which is when I see Kelly next. In all honesty, I'd like to be 120 by this thursday the 5th when I see Diana next, but I don't see that happening. I am starting a fast. I'm going to try really hard to go until Friday. Thats 4 days. I haven't done that in over a year i think...but i'm going to try really hard. Jen hasn't eaten in 2 days, so she says. And she is really depressed right now. and I want to be there to support her as much as I can, but it's so hard when your trying to keep your own shit together too ya know? Anyways..I'm going to go. I have to hang out with katherine i think... idont know...i'm depressed. I cut 136 times last night. fuck...

boneifyme @ 2006-09-04T13:54:00

2006-09-04T17:54:29Z

boneifyme @ 2006-03-15T14:30:00

2006-03-15T19:32:42Z

fuck fuck fuck fuck. i HATE food. It should all just GO
THE FUCK AWAY! I DON'T FUCKING WANT ANY FOOD!!!!!!!
I AM NOT GOING TO FUCKING LOSE CONTROL NOW! NO MOTHER FUCKING
WAY!! I'm taking a dance class at BDC in NYC next friday with
the academy and i REFUSE to be the FAT ASS GIRL THAT STANDS OUT
and NOT in a good way!!! URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKKKKKKKKKK

i pretty much hate everything
i felt so fat at school today becuz i've gained weight
that i actually just got up after 3rd period and left..i've
NEVER been the type that skips...wtf is wrong with me? OH! I
KNOW!! I'M TOO GOD DAMN FATTTTTTTTT

boneifyme @ 2006-02-17T16:22:00

2006-02-17T21:27:09Z

this is by far the most self destructive
and hardest habit i'm ever had to keep up with.
the scary thing is, i can't stop. oh well...

PS Courtney, I know what you mean. I don't know what you're
going through with your mom and all, but i can only imagine that
it sucks, and it's not easy. I don't want to sound cheesy and like
everyone else...but i AM here for you. I AM here to talk whenever,
I hate ppl. too, so i'm never doing ANYTHING. Literally. So if you
ever just want to sit and hate ppl. with someone, you can ALWAYS call me.
I love you so much dude. Think of like...just everything that we've been
through together, and how long we've known eachother and all that shit.
You are such a huge part of my life even though we don't hang out like
we used to, that doesn't mean I don't care for you just as much, if not more
than I did back when we were in elem. and middle school. K? I'm ALWAYS going t
to be here, and if you cant count on anything else, it is my hope that you can
at the very least count on me if you ever just need to cry and scream, and throw
things. haha. but i do indeed love you very much buddy, and i don't like/don't
want to see you hurting. So if you need ANYTHING!! even someone to bring u a bowl
of chicken noodle soup becuz ur not feeling well...CALL ME! haha seriously. If you
want a fucking cupcake, I'll bake you a batch! haha just let me know if I can do
anything to help k? LOVE U SO MUCH!!!!

boneifyme @ 2006-02-12T00:44:00

2006-02-12T05:46:44Z

urgh, i've been so completely disgusting lately
i can't even take it. I'm a fat disgusting blob
of shit..and i seriously need to get my act
together. I started my valentines day fast at 8 pm
tonight, after i fucking binged like the fat bitch
that I am...seriously what the hell..I used to be
SO good at this and all of a sudden, i lose control
and I gain like 3 lbs...urgh. i should have never started
the whole 2468 thing..it was nothing but bad news. I can't
purge..so i'm just going to stick with the whole Im not going
to eat thing unless i'm about to seriously drop. i'm so
angry at myself and i'm going on a date tomorrow...john is going
to think i'm a disgusting cow. I refuse to eat. I REFUSE!!!!

boneifyme @ 2006-02-02T22:11:00

2006-02-03T03:13:46Z

perfect body is the best movie EVER!
about the gymnast with anorexia that was on NBC
YEARS ago...i saw it a LONG time ago when my cousin,
michelle was a gymnast. I think thts what made me put
ON weight, becuz it scared me...haha NOW ITS MY
THINSPIRATION!!! i now weigh 129 lbs. thats more
than half of what i was..and still fat as shit,
and no where near good enough! and why do ppl.
take you to fatty places for ur bday!? AH! I'M SO
SCARED ABOUT TOMORROW!!!!!!!1

boneifyme @ 2006-02-01T18:16:00

2006-02-01T23:16:23Z

ana. u. are. amazing.

boneifyme @ 2006-01-29T01:44:00

2006-01-29T06:47:24Z

approaching day too with a grin.

i got slimquick. it starts tomorrow.

i got a bike. and i'm so stoked about riding it
for my cardio.

I was supposed to weigh friday, but i am terrified.
shouldn't be but i am. so then i was like, well i'll weigh
in sunday morning before church so i won't be tempted to eat
with michelle and grandma...but i'm just too scared to step on
that scale. I don't know what'll happen if i'm not happy with the #
this shit is crazy, and it takes a LOT outta you. But i don't care, and
I will beat it.

Think thin

boneifyme @ 2006-01-24T22:07:00

2006-01-25T03:11:33Z

fuck fuck fuck fuck...my period came back..
why? becuz i ate too much. EW EW EW...def. gained
about 6 lbs in the last week..THATS DISGUSTING!
but i'm starting a 5 day fast at midnight tonight with
some ppl. on my favorite forum...so it's all good.
5 days and i'll be back to where i was...if not smaller. I have
new things called projects..and i journal them down. Right now
I'm working on "Project: MY 17th Birthday" so i do as well as i can
until then and chart my progress...it's fun..althought i'm on day
2 and have failed tremendously..but again..it doesn't help that i'm
on my fucking period. I had to go to the hospital becuz of my diet pills
I had a HUGE anxiety attack on sunday night..so no more of them for me..
FUCK FUCK!! I WILL STICK WITH THIS 5 DAY FAST! EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!

boneifyme @ 2006-01-18T17:01:00

2006-01-18T22:03:13Z

Ay yi yi...so i fucked up last weekend, but now I'm back on track...
YAY! cept..therepy...she questions me weekly about my eating..wtf?
oh well. ain't gonna stop me from doing shit.

boneifyme @ 2006-01-09T02:54:00

2006-01-09T07:55:16Z

Didn't do nearly as bad as i thought after all! I
was just holding some water weight! I didn't gain at
ALL!! WOOT!! still fasting tho! EXCITED AS SHIT!!
I'm gonna be a supermodel.....

boneifyme @ 2006-01-08T22:09:00

2006-01-09T03:12:48Z

Ok so I really fucked up. The weekends are SO
hard. But during the week, I'm never home, and Don't have
money, so I NEVER eat..i gained 2 lbs this weekend. Which
won't be a problem to get off..but still it's frusterating.
During the week its so easy to fast. So As of now. 10 pm. I'm
beginning my new week fast til whenever I feel like I'm gonna
drop. So probably til thursday afternoon becuz i have 2 hrs of
dance and I don't want to pass out, or I'll be fucked.
So Fasting til thursday. I NEED SUPPORT!!! I gotta remember
what I want to accomplish. I HAVE TO I'm SOOO close to being
in the 120 zone..I gotta get there quicker. I'm literally 10
lbs from being 129. I know, its still fat..but compared to my
highest weight, thats tiny. So If I can get there in 2 weeks I
will be SO pleased with myself. So thats my goal. 129 in 2 weeks.
that SHOULD not be a problem. EW I go to fucking therepy on Thurs.
for my "rage" hahahhaa it makes me laugh. She better not ask me
weight questions. I'll be pissed. Anyways...WOOT! I'M EXCITED! BE
TOUGH B!!

boneifyme @ 2006-01-07T20:47:00

2006-01-08T01:49:05Z

BOY I FUCKED UP TODAY!!!...ouch...Don't worry
Fasting til Tuesday as of 9 pm. :) It'll be off.
Wow..I just need to chill..I like cried..lol wow...
ok..phew..tomorrow = homework and work out book camp.

boneifyme @ 2006-01-06T15:42:00

2006-01-06T20:42:45Z

boneifyme @ 2006-01-06T15:39:00

2006-01-06T20:42:05Z

Yesturday I had to eat because I had dance for 2
hours, and I would've dropped if I didn't. I probably
ate to much, but hey. I'm at my new lowest weight! WOOT!
I love the "you look greats" that I keep getting. Anyways
today I began another fast. It's like I fast 2 days, and
then I eat a little, and then again. It's working. So :)
My hands are even losing weight!! :) I WILL not eat today.
ps.

boneifyme @ 2006-01-04T20:07:00

2006-01-05T01:08:46Z

COURTNEY!!! YES!! AFTERSCHOOL TOMORROW! U AND ME BUDDY!
HAHA AND YES! THE EPHEDRA! GOOD THINKIN! HAHA..but who!?
OH DEARYYY!!!! EEEEEE EXCITMENTS IN THE AIR!!!!
<3 u!

P.S. Diet Sprite Zero..my savior.

PPS. I just pulled an asian..2 entries in less than 5 min. hah

boneifyme @ 2006-01-04T20:04:00

2006-01-05T01:05:58Z

Day 2 of the fast. AND I'VE HAD NOTHING! GOD!
I FEEL AMAZING!!! AHHHH!!!! Collar bones a' poppin'
WOO!!! I don't want to speak to soon though..haha
I've got 3 more days to go. <3 Think THIN BIOTCH!!

p.s. I love the movie center stage.

boneifyme @ 2006-01-03T00:34:00

2006-01-03T05:34:40Z

Tomorrow it begins. BRING IT ON 2006!! :)
COURTNEY! I MISS U! WE NEED TO HAVE A
GET TOGETHER!! PLUS THE GIFT EXCHANGE!!

boneifyme @ 2006-01-01T02:42:00

2006-01-01T07:44:44Z

Wow January 1st, 2006...this is crazy.
I can't believe it. Anyways..so I've done
ok lately..but "Ok" isn't good enough!
Today it begins.A week long new year fast.
Fast awayt grossness from 2005 and to bring
a fresh beginning to 2006..yeah I know I'm
weird. Suck it. This last week has been sooo
weird. too much went down over christmas. but
it's fine. AH! my mom asked me is I throw up
today...it was SO awkward..but I honestly haven't
since the last time I said I wouldn't..but ew. I
was scared shitless..I hate it when people get
nosey. SHOVE it. ok. bye <3

boneifyme @ 2005-12-28T17:49:00

2005-12-28T22:50:23Z

Hells yeah. I'm back on track today. Have
No fear. No food for a week. I can do it.

boneifyme @ 2005-12-27T19:39:00

2005-12-28T00:40:36Z

I remember why I don't eat fried shit now..
BECUZ IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M DYING!!!
WTF!! I'm like a good 4 lbs up since before
Christmas..DAMNIT!! 2 days of fasting would
bring me right back down, but I'm losing fucking
control! AHHH!!!!! HELP ME!!

boneifyme @ 2005-12-25T17:02:00

2005-12-25T22:02:18Z

FUCK CHRISTMAS!! It sucks. end of story. WORST CHRISTMAS OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!

boneifyme @ 2005-12-22T21:48:00

2005-12-23T02:48:52Z

FUCK FOOD